The Government, Love and hairy legs…

Oh my I’m in a strange mood today.  I have all sorts of thoughts running around my head and am having a hard time making sense of them.  I started a new medication a couple of days ago (Lamictal) and whilst I haven’t had any noticable effects on my moods, there are a few effects happening which are definitely noticeable.  Such as insatiable hornyness, constant hunger, sleeping much better, less headaches.  I’m at a very low sub therapeutic dose atm, and these effects, albeit a mixed bag, make me more hopeful that I’ll be able to maintain at a lower dose.  I’m not too keen on filling my body with medications, and I’ll tell you why.  Pharmaceutical companies = run by men.  NHS = run by men.  Pharmacy = staffed by men.  Psychiatrist = male.  Jenny = angry feminist with bipolar disorder rallying against having to be treated by men.  The delightful thing about the NHS is that it’s FREE.  I’m tremendously lucky that I will always have access to doctors, medications and urgent care for free when I need it.  The flip side of the coin is, long waiting times, harrased doctors, time limited therapy and a lack of female doctors.  If I wanted to ensure that I had a female doctor, I would have to pay for private treatment, which I simply cannot afford.  I live on benefits (welfare) and make a small amount of additional money by making eco friendly menstrual products.  If I lived in America, I’d be SCREWED, beyond a shadow of a doubt.  That’s what makes it so hard to be a rabid rad fem some days, I have an enormous amount to be grateful for, more I’m sure than some of my american sisters.  I know I won’t have to pay if I break my leg, the government gives me money to stay at home and look after my child, I can get 9 months paid maternity leave, I’m not expected to work when I’m sick, I have a bearable sized apartment with which to live in with my son which the local council pays for, including rent and the delightful council tax.

But…wait….I hate it when people tell me I should be grateful for what we’ve got.  No I damn well shouldn’t, I’m amazed at what we don’t have.  I’m shocked, horrified and truly disgusted.  I’m horrified that women are so grossly under represented in Parliament that we have men running our country who spend money on fighting ‘terrorism’ and engaging in futile wars rather than putting money into schools and our struggling NHS.  Old women should not die waiting for hip replacement or cataract surgery.  It’s is vastly unfair that someone living in a PO postcode will get 1 cycle of NHS IVF therapy for free, when 20 miles away women living in SO postcodes could get 5-6 for free.  The goverment is incrementally doling out little pellets of social change, in the hope that we will gobble it up like grateful little lapdogs and be happy for what we have.  Well I’m telling you people it’s not fucking good enough.  For every person like me who is barely struggling to keep their head above water, there are hundreds more drowning in debt, living in slums, living on the streets, only affording to feed their children terrible basic unhealthy food, contracting diseases.  For every person like me there are probably thousands making money by screwing other people over.  Call me idealistic, but I just can’t imagine that in a matriachal society we would make money by climbing over the corpses of the fallen.

I remember reading a passage written by Germaine Greer, which I loved, despite my misgivings about the woman.  About how women are supposed to feel privileged because now they can be in the army and be executives.  Dazzle camouflage people (thank you Inga Muscio for that expression).  Women are encouraged to think of themselves as lucky, when in fact we are just as opressed as before.  In fact, we are systemtically, legally, financially and socially being repressed even more so, just in different ways.  The only way women seem to be able to rise to the top in any profession is by emulating the most hideous male characteristics.  And when that happens, the representation of women in Parliament is irrelevant, because they’re all acting like crotch grabbing beer swilling jocks.  And when women get too good at what they do, when they let their determination, outspokeness, assertiveness, ambition and drive shine through, we are told we are de feminized and people hate us for that too.  How can we win?

I really want to live to see a Parliament staffed mostly or entirely by women, but very very much doubt that will happen.  It’d be wonderful to live to see a government where compassion, empathy, love, generosity and simple care for others are on a par with ambition and drive.  I don’t think that women should make themselves appear to feel softer to succeed as women in this world, but nor do I think that a good way to go ahead is to reenact the behaviour of the men which I so despise.  Oh lady I am full of contradicitons today.  I guess it’s a good idea to have a blog where I can meander around these points.

Another thing that is on my mind at the moment is the concept of LOVE.  Scary word really.  Especially so for myself, as every time I feel like I’ve been in love, I’ve been screwed.  I made a conscious decision a few months ago to be single and wait as long as necessary to find someone that fit my criteria for a partner, and fully accepted the possibility that I might die before it happens.  I’d ultimately love a female partner, but I don’t feel any more confident about that happening than I do about finding a ‘man’.  I love women, I adore them, I’m openly bisexual and would love a female partner.  But I am so far from finding someone with views similar to my own it’s almost amusing.  My last ex girlfriend (who I no longer talk to) called me bigoted when I said I hate men, and cut me off because she didn’t want someone with such ‘unconscienable’ views in her life.  I’d sooner chop my own legs off than go out with a woman who isn’t a feminist.  I’d sooner drown in my own barf than date a ‘I can be pretty and blonde and smooth skinned and wear corsets and still be a feminist hee hee’ feminists.  I am the way I am because I want to stand out, if not for myself (because believe I have days when I’d KILL to blend in), then for other women.  If only one woman in my entire life decides to give up on shaving, growing her hair, doing her nails, wearing designer outfits, getting paid less and decides to fight back because of my example, because of talking to me, then I’ll feel like I’ve done well.  I’ll be sitting in the Summerland with a smarmy little grin on my face baby.

So anyway, before I go off on a tangent, my main worry currently is that LOVE and FEMINISM do not mesh.  I think we need to radically reinvent love, the concept of love, the surrounding behaviours and attitudes before I can let myself fall in love.  Love in this society as woman means giving up too much.  Germaine Greer wrote much in the Female Eunuch about the concept of altruism and love being binded together.  Women, we need to kick those apart.  We need to rip the bindings off with our teeth if we have to.  We need to MAKE PEOPLE REALISE that the stereotypical marriage, kids, small career, one man all my life attitude is FALSE.  That we can be dirty, shaven haired fuzzy legged rad fems and still be loved.  That loving someone doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking you’re the business.  That love means that you care about someone, it doesn’t mean you stop putting yourself first.  That you can be however you want, and be loved.  You can be a bitch saggy titted moody rad fem and still expect someone to worship the ground you walk on.  I wonder if I’ll ever find someone like that?  My current sweetie measures up quite well, but there are a few issues of commanding importance that I cannot deal with currently.  So I’m stuck just using him for sex, woe is me

The main issues being that men make we want to vomit.  I either loathe them or their sheer patheticness makes me want to wet my pants from laughing too much.  Like I said, I’ve found a few exceptions.  Most of these are online, and I don’t know them IRL.  A couple of them are men I know through Anji, who I trust implicitly.  In my personal life, I genuinely don’t think I’ve met a SINGLE man who hasn’t done one scummy thing to me.  As a group, I think men are unworthy of time or energy.  A man would probably have to pretty much walk on water to prove himself to me.  My current sweetie is doing a pretty good job of not doing anything sucky thus far.  He hasn’t treated me like a leper for menstruating, he likes my hair short and spikey, he likes the way I smell now I don’t wear perfume, he likes playing with my fat tummy, he puts up with me putting my cold feet on him in bed, he washes before sex, he makes me laugh, he’s fairly intelligent, he loves his family and he’s good company.  And increasingly (especially last night) I’ve realised I like him as more than a fuck buddy, and do you know what, it FUCKS ME OFF.  I don’t want to like a man and I especially do not want to fall in love with someone.  After the last man I was with (my only serious relationship with a man), my heart wasn’t just broken.  It was ripped out, stamped and my ex trailed his bloody footprints around.  He is a scummy piece of shit who deserves to be strung up by his bollocks and left to starve today.  So excuse me if I’m not jumping for joy at the prospect of letting another man into my life.  I’m scared shitless in fact.  I have to kep reminding myself that I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I used to be, I’ve physically and verbally punished the shitty ex who can now fall off a cliff for all I care.  That I don’t feel the need to do anything that I don’t want to do any more.  And I’ve realised that falling in love can have conditions, it has to.  I don’t think it’s possible for me to love a man unconditionally any more, and I guess that’s a challenge because they all want to be worshipped.  I think everyone wants to be worshipped, we’re all wired for love and attention after all.  I think men just demand it in a selfish way and women don’t expect the same.  Maybe that’s why in practically all my male relationships I feel like it’s me always giving and the man always taking.

Last night I was lying in bed, after leaving a big wet patch on my sweeties sheets, having my back stroked and my tummy flab played with.  I was warming my cold feet up on his legs.  I wasn’t worried about being fat or hairy or not smelling like roses.  I was just living life and enjoying another person, who was a man.  And that’s got to be something right?

I hope I’m not going soft.  I might go into the street and shove a man really hard now to make myself feel better

Amusing interactions with men…

Maybe I’m in too much of a good mood today, maybe I’m a bit sick or twisted.  But I don’t find anything more amusing that a man trying to defend himself.  And it’s always the same unimaginative bullshit, <quote>Men may usually be like that, but I’m not, honest!</quote>

I wrote a heavily ranty blog entry in my LiveJournal yesterday, mostly because I was tired and in a terifically bad mood.  Also because for shits and giggles I wanted to see the response that I got.  Mostly though, because I was feeling a bit ‘at the end of my tether’ with a couple of things and I wanted to make them clear to people reading my LiveJournal.  Over the past couple of years I’ve discovered that despite dearly loving a good argument discussion, most people don’t know how to argue effectively and safely, especially men.  It’s the typical knee jerk offensive reaction of trying to put the blame away from themselves for being inherently flawed.  So I typed a post that would air the dirtiest of my dirty rad fem view, and gauge the reaction.  It also has the nice bonus of getting rid of any third wavers that I’m too hardcore, and men who cannot cope with the reality of their failings.

LiveJournal is blocked on the library computer (I’m waiting for my home PC to be fixed – bah), so I decided to type what I’ve got to say in response to a mans comment (the only man that had the guts to reply and risk my wrath thus far).  Incidentally, I’m fairly certain that the main problem said man had with my journal entry is that I listed a list of a handful of men who I don’t find to be complete WANKERS, and he wasn’t on said list, for VERY GOOD REASONS.  Primarily because he’s screwed over pretty much every woman in my life by having sex with them and never calling them again.  With every intention of sounding big headed and egotistical, I’m convinced part of the reason for his annoyance is the fact that it has become plainly obvious his dumbstick will not be coming anywhere near close to my sacred space   Anyway, I’m going to write here what I think in response to his comment (I’m hoping to tear him off a piece) and then post it to LJ when I get to use a proper computer, probably at Anji’s house.  For reference, here is my original post, minus some ranting about an ex girlfriend of mine who I’m pretty angry at.

Having my first new really rewarding platonic friendship for several years with ghostlove has actually really made me realise what I’m missing out on. Having someone who I know I can completely be myself around, with my rabid rad fem views and hairyness and man hatingness and emo and drama, who still makes me feel happy and loved in a really good way has made me lots less willing to accept poorer substitutes.

I’m no longer worried about appearing nice and losing friends because I’m not tolerant and gentle all the time. Damn it, I need friends who I can say ‘oh shut up you moany bitch’ to and not worry I’ll make them cry. I need friends who I can sulk around and be intolerant because of my mood swings.

I just don’t ever see a friendship with prolificdiarist working out. I’m done. I’ve put so much effort into it and just NO MATTER WHAT I DO, it always comes back to bite me on the arse.

To clarify something: I’m a bitch. I’m moody and argumentative and prissy and like making a pain out of myself. I’m also loving, generous, sensual and giving. The good come with the bad. Some days you might be in for a METRIC FUCKTON of the bad, and other times you’ll get many days of the good Jenny, you never know because a: I have an unpredictable personality disorder and mental illness and b: it depends what I feel like. I try to be happy and confident and sociable and loving and giving when I can, but if I need to be a bitch, I need to be a bitch. If you want to be my friend, I need to know that if I’m having a bad day, I can be myself around you. I will not accept friends I can only see when I’m in a good mood who never see the other side of me, I wouldn’t even call that a friendship. If I ultimately end up with less friends because of this, so be it. I’d actually rather be alone that spend the rest of my life shaping myself to fit other people. People either love/like me for who I am, or they fuck off. Simple as that.

With regards to the man hating thing: my philosophy is simple. I hate men. As a group, I think they’re scummy, repellent, contemptible people. I have found certain men that have proven themselves worthy of my love. Yes I say worthy in a big headed way because I am an awesome person and most men aren’t worthy of having me in their lives. The men that have proven themselves to separate from the general throng of Scum are the men who I can talk to, the ones who aren’t misogynistic chauvinistic twats, the ones who respect me as a person, the ones who ACCEPT ME AS I AM. There are handful of these at best. In most other respects, I think men are vile. I feel disrespected, hated, objectified and violated by pretty much most of the men in my life. I’ve had my good humour, my love, my life, my heart SHAT ON BY MEN. Is it any wonder I don’t trust them? It’s been coming for a long time BITCHES. I can name off the top of my head the men that I don’t find vile:

1. Ginge.
2. Fred.
3. Leo.
4. bobquasit
5. johnny5
6. nyecamden
7. astras_brian
8. flamma_lupus

Every other man I know personally has made me feel horrified or upset or disgusted or hurt at some point in my life, including my dad and my brother who I should be able to trust. But genetics doesn’t put you apart from the inherent fail that is men.

If I have any other men on my f-list who I haven’t listed, don’t feel offended, I wouldn’t have you on here if I thought you were terrible.

I hate men because they are everything about human nature that I despise. If you can’t deal with that, (I’m not saying you have to agree, I’m saying you have to DEAL) then I think my journal isn’t the best place for you and I’d like you to stop reading it.

I hate men. It’s not up for discussion, it’s the way it is and it’s not going to change. End Of.

*Sexism/racism = it is my personal belief that an opressed class hating the opressing class does not constitute bigotry. In my mind, it’s perfectly reasonable for people of other races/ethnicities to hate white, I don’t think it’s racism. Nor do I think it’s sexist to hate men.

You can call me bigoted. You can call me a sexist whore. You can say I’m being misandrist. It’s the way I FEEL. I don’t want it to change because I see no reason, no reedeeming value of men, nothing that will be added to my life in any way if I am chummy with men. I am perfectly content in the company of my sisters and that is how it will stay.

Bear in mind, two of the men on the list aren’t bio males and therefore act qualitatively different in my mind, they’ve EXPERIENCED the fuckton of misogynistic wank we have to deal with on a daily basis.  The top three men on the list are Anji’s very close friend, Anji’s boyfriend, and my current sweetie.  Until recently, I was strongly inclined to believe that finding men like these men would be a purely impossible and time wasted task.  Anji, I have you to thank for that.

His amusing reply, which had me giggling very girly chipmunk like laughs in the library, was as follows.  It was the defensive, the oh so predictable condescending tone, it just reminded me of the bad ol’ days when I didn’t stick up for myself, and made me oh so happy that I am not like that any more.

Sorry to break it to you, but men don’t oppress women on a large scale, and haven’t done effectively in this country since before you were born. I’d say that one fact blows your reasoning quite heftily out of the water.

Now, quite frankly, I’ve got no problem with you disliking any subdivision of society you choose. Hell, I’ve got a whole boatload of irrational dislikes myself. That being said, I’ve got the sense to try and keep mine to myself, and I’m a decent enough person to try and avoid letting my prejudices influence my interactions with people.

Trust me: This is the biting-my-tongue version of things. I don’t take kindly to people rubbishing my entire sex based on interaction with less than a fraction of a tenth of one percent of it, but I suppose it’s easier to pretend we’re all scum than admitting that you just seem to have known a lot of bastards.

As a parting thought: It’s been statistically inferred that spousal abuse against men by women is far more prevalent than the other way around. But not only is it far less reported, but women are far more likely to use improvised weapons, such as irons or frying pans.

Can a man ever have an effective argument without first having to rubbish the position of the person he is arguing with?  In my conversations with Anji, I often end up thinking that she’s making a very good point and understanding her theories, even if I don’t understand myself.  Never once has she felt the need to slap me down to make her point stand out by default.  It’s a deplorable tactic.  In my conversations with feminists it has NEVER EVER been used.  In my conversations with women in general, it’s rarely been used.  Are women wired differently?  I often think that women love to learn and educate themselves, men seem determined to obliterate everything that isn’t their own narrow minded phallocentric viewpoint.

For the sake oif ease, I am going to type the response like I am talking to him.  I am cackling evily and cracking my knuckles in a very unladylike way as I compose this response in my head.  When you see strikes, you are likely seeing my thought process and my attempt to resist the temptation to lower myself to his level and resort to petty name calling/talking down.  But then he is a man (and an amazingly PENIS FOCUSED ONE at that), so a certain degree of intellectual dumbing down may have to take place.  *grins*  It’s also worth mentioning that as I type this, my Inbox has slowly been filling with replies to his comment and his responses to them, which slightly resemble a small animal backed into a corner by a horde of stampeding lions.  Ho ho ho.

Don’t be sorry assface honey loser , it’s a typical knee jerk response, one I’ve heard/seen many times before, played out in all sorts of contexts, usually with very similar wording to your own.  Please excuse me if I’m not really feeling the sorry vibes wafting out of your defensive lamentable comment.

You may consider it good sense to keep your opinions to yourself, I consider it good sense to seek a community of people who I can share my opinions with and further my thought processes.  I also don’t feel that I’ve become an indecent person for wanting to write my bottom line behaviour out and express a need to have friends that will cope with said behaviour.  It’s rather amusing that you think it would be possible for me to avoid my interactions being coloured by my prejudice.  I very much doubt it is possible, and even if it was, I wouldn’t want it to.  I’ve got a good enough network of female friends and lovers without having to worry about wasting energy on trying to find the needle in the haystack (a good man under all the bastards).  Another point I would also like to make is that my definition of ‘decent’ is obviously clearly different to yours.  I feel that you are sticking to a definition defined by patriachy, by men, by Judo-Christian ideals.  As a women, I shouldn’t (and don’t) feel a need to make myself appear decent in the eyes of men. I suspect your discomfort is centred around the fact that you are uncomfortable with women that you cannot objectify, and what I know of your personal life supports this theory.

You needn’t hold yourself back from your full version, there is no need to bite your tongue with me.  You may be desperately clinging on to the ideal that you are a ‘nice’ man and ‘different’ from all these other poor men that I’ve criticised in my post, but I don’t for one second believe you, so it’s an act really lost on me.  You may also be surrounded by weak willed, gentle women who run away at the first sign of conflict, but I stand my ground, so bombard me how you will and expect to get the same in return.

I find your reply deeply amusing because it is so very typical of the response I would expect from a man, the usual defensiveness and disquiet about a woman daring to say what other women generally are afraid to say.

I also personally don’t give a fuck what you ‘take kindly’ to at all.  I didn’t right the post specifically to you, although I expected a reply along these lines from you, because you’re probably the man on my friends list I have the least respect for.  You’re right in a sense, I have met mostly bastards.  However, I don’t feel it an unreasonable conclusion from my interactions with men, my mothers interactions with men, my sisters interactions with men, my female friends interactions with men and what I have heard of all of those things, to conclude that men are bastards.  I have no doubt that some men are an exception to this blanket rule (although I expect the number is very small), mostly because I have men in my life.  Yes, my hatred for men will colour my reactions with them.  Yes men will have to work bloody hard to prove to me that they are worth being in my life.  This may mean I end up with next to no men in my life, which I think proves my point that men are not worth any more than 1p.  Yes, it’s arrogant, but I know I am a fucking awesome person and yes I think men should have to work fucking hard to be in my life.  I think arrogance seems to be one of the few traits we have in common.

This comment also speaks volumes of your need to separate yourself from the throngs of bastard men.  When you’d probably do a lot better if you accepted the truth and worked on your failings, instead of desperately trying to pretend otherwise.  I have a feeling that your poor feelings are hurt because you aren’t on my list, and you weren’t on the list for very good reasons.  I suspect you’ll reply to that with a sarcastic ‘boo hoo/poor me’ comment, but I very much doubt that I’m far from the truth.  I’m sorry you feel misaligned by the fact that I conclude you’re a bastard because you’re male.  If it helps at all, I conclude that you’re a bastard because I’ve met you and spoken to women that you have engaged with, none of which discouraged me from thinking that you’re a bastard.

Your parting point is also CRAP,  being that in no way did I ever pretend that female on male abuse doesn’t exist.  But it’s existence doesn’t make it anywhere near as commonplace as male on female abuse, nor does it state the reasons why.  I believe if you care to research, you’ll find that a large majority of women who do abuse their male partners do it because of abuse they have received themselves in the past.  I also believe that women are far more inclined to improvise with household implements as far more men carry weapons and knives than women, and therefore women need to defend themselves with whatever is handy to defend themselves with.  Women are passionate people, and women are often exploited by their male partners.  And whilst it’s true that in a small number of circumstances some women attack their male partners, I strongly believe it’s due to emotional abuse in a great majority of cases.  So yes, I do apply different criteria in this case, and I defend women down to the ground.  So your parting shot really doesn’t affect me, I hope you don’t cry now.

Also, feel free to remove me from your friends list, I’ve been considering doing so for some time now, and your condescending comment has pretty much convinced me.

A friend of mine who I know from the queer community posted this response in reply to this mans original comment.

          Um. No.

Men do oppress women on a large scale, both in this country and in others.

It is also emphatically true that men abuse women physically and sexually far more frequently than the reverse.

Sorry, you’re just plain wrong.

He responded again with:

Prove it. I was born when both the monarch and Prime Minister were female, grew up with a female speaker in the house of commons, spent most of my career working under women and had pretty much equal representation amongst senior staff (as in senior manager or higher) in nearly every organisation I’ve worked for. Where’s the oppression there exactly? Unless you make some vague argument about rates of pay, which is difficult to prove one way or another (and against government legislation nowadays), I really can’t see it.

I’m not saying domestic violence against women doesn’t happen, but I’m sticking to my guns – it’s just as prevalent against men, most of whom are much less likely to speak out about it, and have much less support. I’m not even going to mention alleged levels of spousal abuse amongst lesbians.

Her response:

I can see this is a futile discussion with you. I don’t feel the need to continue with it.

So mote it to be that sister!

I seem to have a lot more argumentative energy than her today, so my response to his comment probably would have been:

Women are still grossly outnumbered by men in parliament.  The era that you grew up in is irrelevant, we made very little progress in womens civil rights, and we also now have a male speaker in parliamnent.  The area that you work in is also isolated in it’s equal representation of the genders.  If you did you research, you’d find that in most professions, men outnumber women, mostly due to gender biased coscial conditioning regarding education, careers and promotion.  Certainly my own personal anecdotal experiences point to your workplace being rare.  The fact that men are less likely to report spousal abuse is really supporting my rant against patriachy, it is just as entrapping to men as it is to women.  Society expects us to be all so trapped in our masculine and feminine roles.  Men feel emasculated by reporting spousal abuse?  That’s just as damning of our society as the female spousal abuse rate.

I think the reason you are not mentioning lesbian partner abuse is because you know you are desperately trying to prove a point and losing.  Lesbian partner abuse does exist, but in a minimal number of cases.

According to my abuse research, the statistics on gender prevalence is as follows:

1. Male on female violence.

2. Male on male violence.

3. Female on male violence.

4. Female on female violence.

So SUCK IT.

I must disappear off somewhat hastily now as I need to pick up my son from school in 15 minutes.  I am interested in hearing what others have to say about this exchange.

Don’t let them finegle their way into your life…

Today has mostly been an reminder of why I don’t like men.  What a surprise!  Usually I get at least one reminder a day of why I don’t like them, but for the last few days I’ve been surprisingly bastard free.

Not yesterday or today though.  Firstly, yesterday night I had the delighful experience of sitting with my brother whilst he was trying to decide what to watch on TV.  I don’t watch TV for the exact reason that it is full of violent, disgusting, offensive, repulsive patriachal crap.  I have a Freeview box which remains firmly fixed on CBeebies, except when I am out and my dad is watching TV.

The first thing he wanted to watch was a film containing a young beautiful blonde Christina Ricci being viciously beaten by a man.  She had black eyes, was bruised all over, and was wearing a tube top in the scene I had the misfortune to watch.  I objected.  I was on shaky ground here, this not being my house and all.  But probably to make sure I didn’t get in one of my ‘moods’, he turned it over.  What was the next thing he chose?  Booze Britain.  Now this show literally does make me want to barf.  It is literally cameras following around young inebriated people as they go about filling their bodies with alcohol to dangerous limits and making themselves vomit.  It often shows a lot of the fights and legal transgressions which are a direct result of said inebriated state.  I can only hope that the show was originally created to highlight the problems with binge drinking and encourage people to stop.  What is more realistic is that TV big wigs thought it would be cool and fun to stick some young drunk people on TV making themselves look like utter wankers.  Is there some kind of special pride that men feel at watching themselves piss in the street and vomit on police officers?  And what makes me even more mad is watching the women trying to copy the men.  Never in my radical feminist circle of friends have ever felt the need to get so drunk I piss on the pavement, shit my pants or vomit in a kebab shop.  It worries me that there are some women out there who feel they need to get acceptance by emulating some of the most repulsive and contemptible behaviours of the faulty gender.

Result: me pissed off at the media and one of the few men in my life who I don’t often end up wanting to scream ARSEHOLE at very loudly.

It reminded me of something that I find myself having to remind myself a lot: whether they’re your friends, your lovers, your family, men will always be men.  There won’t often be exceptions.  Generally, they will always find something despicable and just plain WRONG to do, which will remind me of why I’m a dirty man hating feminist to begin with.

I must adjourn now as my library comuter time is drawing to a close.  Expect more rantings tomorrow, I have a lot on my mind.

Response from the BBC…

Remember my ranty complaint letter which I sent to the BBC (I think you have to be on my feminist filter to read it)? I sent it ages ago and ticked the box asking for a response, but I wasn’t really expecting one.

It turned up today. On the whole it had a conciliatory tone and they did agree to make some changes – I have a feeling they had quite a few complaints about this.

Dear Ms ****

Thanks for your e-mail regarding ‘The Tudors’ broadcast on the 5 September.

I understand you felt the programme was offensive and inappropriate. I note
that this episode put you off watching the series.

‘The Tudors’ is a modern and exciting take on the story of Henry VIII and
his reign, dealing with the monarch’s younger and wilder years, and
deliberately takes a different approach to previous conventional historical
dramas.

We were careful from the outset to forewarn viewers to the adult content
and the general tone of this lavish series, and scheduled it after the
watershed, with trailer campaigns and appropriate pre-transmission
announcements which highlighted the series’ sexual content.

We’re sorry that you were offended by the scene of rape in the programme,
and on reflection we agree that the content is not best described as
“scenes of a sexual nature”, and we’ll amend the pre-transmission
announcement for its future showings to reflect the scene of sexual
violence.

I’d like to assure you that we’ve registered your comments on our audience
log. This is the internal report of audience feedback which we compile
daily for the programme makers and also their senior management. It ensures
that your points, and all other comments we receive, are circulated and
considered across the BBC.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact us with your concerns.

Regards

***** ********
BBC Complaints

A few points I want to make:

• I noted the way they used the word lavish – like they wanted me to know that they spent lots of money on this series, like somehow that will change my opinion
• I am mildly irritated that they called it a ‘modern’ take and that for some reason in their eyes modern = rape scenes
• I’m also really angry that despite my complaint, they still continually refer to the scenes I objected to as ’sexual content’ – when it’s obvious I don’t agree, it’s like they just read it as a complaint and didn’t bother to note the specifics of the actual wording
• However, I am REALLY glad that they will be amending the pre transmission announcements, I’m surprised they’ve listened to me at all – but I’m annoyed that they didn’t actually tell me what they are amending it to

Backdated rant about the BBC…

This was originally posted in a feminist filter in my Live Journal.  But as the content is relevant to what I’m hoping to achieve with this blog, I thought I’d post it here.

I am actually sick with rage at the moment. I like watching period dramas and historical dramas. My dad has been raving about The Tudors, which is being shown on BBC 2 atm.

I was about halfway through an episode when it shows Henry VIII raping his wife.

It may only have been the 90’s when rape within marriage became legally punishable, but I don’t give a rats ass. If a woman says no when you try to have sex with her, it is RAPE, regardless of who she is.

I am disgusted at the sensationalism of the BBC and their need to try and put ‘edgier’ scenes into their programs. Rape SHOULD NOT ever be seen in fictional programs of any kind. I had this conversation with ghostlove recently. I find it totally and utterly unacceptable for fictional films to have rape scenes in them, it serves absolutely no purpose. It irks me in the same way that people misuse the word rape in colloquial speech. ‘He totally raped me at x game’ or ‘my pay cheque was totally raped by tax this month’. This is utter CRAP. It should never become acceptable to have rape work it’s way into our every day speech. Rape is an awful, horrible, disgusting thing. The more we become desensitised to it, the less it will shock us, and that is a VERY BAD way for us to start heading. Rape SHOULD ALWAYS BE SHOCKING. People should never find it okay to watch a rape scene, in any context.

The warning at the start of the program said simply ‘Contains scenes of a sexual nature’. *fumes* Firstly, rape IS NOT SEX. Just because the same organs are used, that doesn’t make it sex. You wank with the same hands that you eat with. This does not make eating equal wanking ffs! Secondly, a much much stronger label should have been used. ‘Contains graphic violent scenes which may offend some viewers’ would have been more appropriate.

I’m e-mailing the BBC with a complaint the second I finish this entry.

How dare they put the rape of a woman into an historical drama? Can I not watch stories about the Tudors with watching the oppression and demoralization of women? I am just so ANGRY.

I am never watching The Tudors again, and I’m even tempted to never watch BBC 2 again, I am that angry. I wish I could get rid of the damn TV so I don’t have to put up with this shit. Cursed CBeebies!

This is what I typed:

I am an avid fan of historical dramas, especially involving The Tudors.

However, I found myself thoroughly disgusted by tonights episode, and will not be watching this program again.

My issues are with the scene during which a woman is subjected to a violent sexual assault/rape by her husband on her wedding day.

As a woman and a feminist, I find this scene completely unacceptable. It was offensive and distressing. To see the woman struggling and repeatedly saying no and still be subjected to this was truly awful.

I feel that this scene was put into this program to make it more appealing and sensationalist. As a female viewer, I find it upsetting and offensive that the violent sexual assault of women is included into programs in this way. I believe morally reprenhensible and oppressive behaviour should not be used as part of a storyline in any context.

I am aware that it was only in 1991 that spousal rape become a criminally punishable offence. So if this had been a true story, then I would have still been offended but less likely to complain. As it is, this program is an historical drama. I am very disappointed that the BBC chose to endorse a program which contains this content. I believe that if the rape scene was integral to the storyline, the point about the sex and violence could have been made in a less direct and less obviously degrading way.

The warning at the start of this program simply stated that it contained scenes of a sexual nature. Rape is a gross abuse of power and a tool to oppress women, it is no way remotely sexual. For that reason alone, describing a rape scene as ’sexual content’ is inaccurate. I did not watch the rest of this program, I got up and walked away, so I have no idea if there was other sexual content in this program.

As a woman and licence fee paying customer, I feel I should be able to watch programs with content that interest me without having to watch the degradation and foul behaviour that women are subjected to daily around the world. I was revulsed by seeing this scene in this program. I think a much stronger warning should have been applied at the start of this program. Even something simple like ‘Contains violent sexual scenes that some viewers made find upsetting/offensive’ would have made me realise that I would not want to watch this episode.

I will not be watching this program again. As a women, a feminist and a survivor of sexual assault, I am angry that the fees the BBC receives was used to create a program which I find so thoroughly repugnant.

I know I’ll come across as an angry prissy feminist, I don’t care. Any comments saying that I overreacted or suggesting I don’t complain will be deleted. As a woman and a survivor of sexual assault, as well as a licence fee paying customer, I deserve the right to watch TV without watching rape scenes and I reserve the right to complain when I do.

I am sex positive. Anyone who knows me or has been in my bed will know that I am sex positive.

BUT SEX IS NOT RAPE. RAPE HAS NEVER BEEN SEX AND NEVER WILL BE.

As a woman, a sexual assault survivor and a PAYING CUSTOMER I deserve programs that are interesting, without having to chose between interest and watching the oppression of my sisters. I reserve the right to complain when it shown.

I loathe the society that forces women to make their living (or makes them think it is the best way to earn their living) out of reenacting/simulating emotionally invasive, devastating and repulsive sexual crimes.

It is utterly beyond me that a woman would ever do this without feeling extreme/guilt anger. I wouldn’t do it at all, and I couldn’t. But as much as I don’t understand it, I don’t hate the women for it. I hate society that reinforces time and time again that women are better off allowing themselves to be oppressed.

This is yet again another example of why I do not want to listen to men or their opinion.  I do not have any women in my circle of friends (thank the Goddess) who would watch such a program with rape scenes in and suggest it to me as something good to watch.

I love my father very much, he’s one of the less than handful of men I will say this about.  But I will say this is yet another example of where men make me feel sadly let down.

Intro post

This is my first attempt at blogging outside the safe sheltering motherly protection of Live Journal.  For a time now I’ve been wanting to post more about feminism.  But as my views, thoughts, ideas, feelings and theories have developed they’ve moved radically past what they originally were.  This means that firstly, a lot of people on my delightful friends list probably won’t be comfortable reading what I’m writing.  Secondly, I’ve become increasingly aware recently that Live Journal is becoming very PC, and it’s no longer somewhere that I feel comfortable expressing anti patriachal views.

So here I am, courtest of WordPress.com.  I’m going to be fiddling about with links, pages, colours, headers etc, so you’ll likely find that my blog appearance changes every time you look at it.

The one thing that won’t change is the content:

Pure, unfiltered, rabid, man hating, anti patriachal, prissy, anti porn, anti prostitution feminist rants.

So to get a few things out in the open for those that are mad enough to be interested in what I have to say:

I’m queer, I’m young, I’m a mother, I’m mentally and physically ill.  I hate men.  I think the world would be a much better place if populated by women.  I AM sex positive in that I love sex and have a health libido.  However, I do not consider porn to be sex.  As porn is pretty much everywhere in our culture, from magazines to newspapers and handcream adverts, you’ll find I’m pretty much anti everything that you call sex.  Getting naked (or partially so) with someone, touching them, aiming to give them pleasure, enjoying physical sensations, that’s sex.  PORN IS NOT SEX.  I’m also anti prostitution.  If you’re going to come here with ideas of trying to convince me why it’s a good thing and how some women do it out of choice blah blah blah, don’t bother.  I’ve developed a good way of filtering out stuff that is rubbish and that I don’t agree with, it’s called ‘hitting the delete button’.